Title: Siblings Without Rivalry
Author: Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
Synopsis: A riveting guide to helping siblings learn to respect each other and co-exist peacefully.
The Lowdown:
I’m a little nervous about Bug and Peanut getting along. Right now Bug is very excited about Peanut but he also doesn’t have to compete for attention with her. When I was pregnant with Bug I read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & How to Listen So Kids Will Talk and was blown away by the advice. I was a pre-school and kindergarten teacher for three years, have taught kids in some manner for years, and have a huge extended family (30+ cousins, the youngest is eight, and that’s just on my mom’s side). Needless to say I didn’t have my own kids but I’d been around kids enough to realize how amazing this information was. I’ve subsequently reread the book, it has post-it tabs with notes and is bookmarked like nobody’s business. It is essentially my parenting bible. So when I heard that there was another book by these two amazing ladies that dealt with siblings specifically I was excited.
Faber & Mazlish structure the book very similarly to their previous work. They present an issue that many of us find ourselves in without even realizing how we got there (i.e. labeling our children, comparing, not acknowledging feelings, etc.). Many of these situations are not created intentionally but are a result from knee-jerk responses to situations. But by identifying the issues through a practical example Faber & Mazlish drive home how easy it is to accidentally fall into these roles.
The next section of each chapter focuses on how these issues affect not only the children’s attitude but the parents’ as well. By deconstructing these settings in a calm environment (ie not in the midst of an argument), it’s much easier to identify where the whole thing is going wrong and offer positive solutions. Which is exactly what Faber and Mazlish do. There are comparison comic strips, in each section, that offer example positive and negative responses side by side and somehow make it much easier to understand the potential of how we interact with our children.
The final piece of each section offers real-life examples from parents who have attended Faber and Mazlish’s classes or from their own lives. These examples are some of my favorite parts of the book because I’m able to more easily identify where in my interactions with Bug I can potentially improve. And there are many. Each section ends with an assignment on how to evaluate the issues that arise, your responses, and where you can improve.
Surprisingly I don’t feel like a terrible parent after reading these sections. Instead I feel hopeful and empowered, like I have been given ability to help and empower my child in the same way. That in itself is so important and lending information to allow me to make Bug and Peanut’s life better is epic. But the final wisdom that Faber and Mazlish impart is awakening, as well: we can’t force our children to like each other. Some people just don’t get on but we can teach them to respect each other and exist peacefully with someone who has the potential to drive them insane. And that is a skill that they’ll take with them their entire life and something I could still use help with from time to time. I have a feeling that I’ll be rereading this book again and again as our family learns to navigate with two children. However, I’m not as worried as I was before, if I have any questions or concerns my trusty copy of Siblings Without Rivalry will be there.
Story Tips:
- It’s hard to read this book slowly but honestly taking a break between each chapter helps the messages truly sink in. Even if it’s only 5 minutes.
- Read the ENTIRE book. Acknowledgements, Appendices, Introduction, EVERYTHING.
I need more!
As I said before, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Add to my library:
Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too
